Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Toppling the tube.

I don't have cable. In fact, Peter and I haven't once had cable since we've been married. The decision started as a financial one, but just grew into one that worked for us. I'm kind-of proud to be living without something that destitute trailerpark rednecks consider a material priority in life, and yet...

No! No "and yets"! Cable is the enemy. Must fortify trenches. Need sandbags.

Hmmm... O.K. I have it: I can't stand commercials, find most sitcoms and series utter mindless pap, have no interest in watching the news, sports, the weather etc. and am able to entertain myself quite well with books, projects and the ample selection of decent TV series and movies available at my local Video Store.

But will things change when I have a baby? Will I be stuck on the couch with both hands occupied by a suckling infant for most of the day? If so, won't I need TLC? I mean, I could watch that channel all day. I could live vicariously through half of those shows - and I won't really HAVE a life by then...

And will I need to get the dreaded TREEHOUSE channel in order to zombify my hyperactive toddler? What if I'm just sick of parenting and need a break? Doesn't every parent need the flickering one-eyed babysitter every now and again?

If I could just pay for 2 or 3 channels, that would be great! I'd feel like it was worth it. I'd feel less like a passive participant in consumer brainwashing. I could JUSTIFY getting cable...

But alas, life doesn't work like that. They give you a shovelful of crap, charge by the pound and leave it up to you to squidge through the dungpile to find one or two decent channels. Hmph. Not interested.

No! I shall frequent helpful community establishments such as my local library, purveyors of fine illustrated volumes and many, many Barney videos for kids. I shall engage in active bartering and trade with other parents so that I don't have to watch the same damn Disney DVDs over and over again.

I shall be a Cable-less parent! I shall choose WHICH Ruby and Max episodes to play and WHEN to play them. I shall download podcasts and play them. I shall ask friends and co-workers to tape* "What not to wear" for me. And they will, because I will have a squalling infant. And I will bring said squalling infant over to their house if they don't.

*do people still tape things these days? How does that work now, anyhow?
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