Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Tremors.

Everyone who knows me knows that my career is very important to me. Generally, I love what I've chosen to do. It is a part of who I am.

The last 3 years of my career have been amazing. When I was recruited by my teaching partner to my current position, I was worried that it would take some adjustment. In reality, it fit like a glove. I've had the privilege for the past 3 years to work with the BEST staff and a wonderful admin, who has been nothing but supportive.

Here's where things begin to fall apart.

Before Christmas, I started feeling strangely unsettled about my career. The feeling got worse throughout the holidays, as expressed in this blog. Fortunately, I discovered I was pregnant shorty after this, which made me immediately feel a sense of inexplicable relief. It turns out that I am psychic.

Fast forward to this week. Without making a C.L.M.* on my blog, the best I can say is that things are coming apart at the seams. Those of us who felt bad changes looming tried valiantly to save ourselves and our carefully-crafted program, but higher powers (for reasons beyond a mere teaching professional's comprehension) have been eroding the terra sancta on which we have built our empire. And it is happening sooner than we thought. There's some stuff coming down the pike that I'd hoped never to be a part of again. The canary is dead. I predict a mass exodus.

In addition, our principal is retiring this year. I can honestly say he has been the best administrator I've ever taught under. Experienced, professional, thoughtful and committed to supporting his school and teachers. A huge loss to the profession.

On one hand, I am SO glad Peter and I decided to start a family when we did. I was originally thinking of putting it off a year, but went with my instincts. Only now have they proved to be right.
On the other hand, I'm gone for a year, but the question looms large: "What on Earth am I going to come back to?"

I've experienced extremely stressful work environments before. Who hasn't? The problem is, I don't like what they do to ME. I absorb the negativity and it permeates my entire existence. I have very high standards now and I would NEVER subject myself, my husband or my child to the me I was 4 years ago. If things are starting to look bad, I would rather jump ship. The question is: When? -- and How?

I guess I've got some thinking to do...
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