I need your help, folks. Honestly, I just can't cope anymore.
Peter has grown some semblance of a beardy-thing on his face. It's all hairy and bristly-like and it's been there for awhile now - enough time to make me think it might be sticking around. Not good, not good. Now here's where you come in. LISTEN CAREFULLY:
Please, I beg you, there can be NO MORE unsolicited complimenting of my husband's beard. Or solicited complimenting. Or complimenting of any kind! I do not care HOW it looks. I am TRYING to get rid of it, here, because, despite how maybe-just-barely-O.K. it might look, it FEELS exactly like a boar's bottom. The beard has got to go.
If you like me and value our friendship/kinship/peaceful relations, you will help me by telling Peter he looks like a deranged and rabid bushman. Or an ourangoutan. Or tell him his beard makes him look MUCH OLDER (point out the white hairs in the chinny part).
I don't know, think of something NEGATIVE to say for once, and be creative! Think of all the lip-rash you'll be saving me from - and if that doesn't work, think of the poor baby! Do you want her coming out and thinking her father is some kind of PRIMATE*?
Thank you for your support in this. I know you will pull through for me.
*I mean, she'll find out the truth sooner or later, but at least give her a few precious years...